so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
