oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
