im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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