bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
