So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
