I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
