You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
