Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
