went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize