Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
