I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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