I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
