Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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