My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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