he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
