i would punch a child for taco bell
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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