Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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