do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
