I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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