all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
