all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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