The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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