end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
