I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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