dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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