Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
