after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize