My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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