my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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