all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize