Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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