Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
