I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
third nipple confirmed
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
