You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
