worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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