why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
