I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
