If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
