you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
