I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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