i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
