Her vagina should come with caution tape.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
