I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
