Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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