She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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