Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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