Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
