is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
