Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
