youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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