Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's just like the Real World with babies
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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