That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Can Purell be used as lube?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
