hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
