my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize