it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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