the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
