You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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