Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
