i just google imaged poop.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
