Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
