I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize