In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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