WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
