maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
