New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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