I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
