Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
