If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
