This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
