so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
