Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
