i think my mom watched the whole time
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
