I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
