Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
