I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
