Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
