This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize