that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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