just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
