escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
