I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
